Well, I’m officially tapering. The only thing is, I didn’t do a particularly long run over the weekend to taper down from. In fact, the last really LONG run I did was my 14 miler last Sunday. So I’ve technically been in somewhat of a taper since then, only logging 16 miles last week total. Is that enough? Am I going to survive my half marathon this weekend? Am I going to reach my goal? Should I just quit running and find a new hobby?
Ridiculous, I know. Mentally, I’m really hard on myself. I’m discouraging and doubtful and my own worst enemy 99% of the time. So when I set out for what was supposed to be a short, slow run Monday after work, I was already beating myself up when I started feeling tired. This was a 3 mile run, it should feel like a walk in the park. I was angry when it was over. I ran at 8:30 pace, which is faster than my goal pace for my half this weekend, so I didn’t even run it as slow as I wanted to. I was mad at myself for being tired and I was mad at myself for running too fast. I simply cannot win inside my own brain.
When I got back to my car, I opened the door and it felt like I was opening to door to an oven. So, I decided to look at my phone. 87 degrees. 75% humidity.
No wonder I was tired. I had also just been at work for 8 hours. And it was Monday. And I ate too much junk this weekend. I didn’t stretch. I didn’t drink enough water. Suddenly my mind started to process all of these other factors that were contributing to the way I felt in that moment. Then I saw this little guy on my steering wheel.
I have no idea how long he was trapped inside my sweltering car, but I felt like it was some sort of sign. Everything’s going to be okay. He was my little bit of “good luck” that I needed in that moment. I put him in a shady spot, drove home and got over myself. I’m going to be fine. It’s all going to be fine.
Are you ever too hard on yourself?
Do you find yourself playing mind games in the days leading up to a race?